


Ice Cream

by altered_eagle



Series: City Goblins [15]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batjokes, But here it is, Christmas Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, alfred is a good dad, fuckin' a, i never thought i would write a batjokes christmas fic, this is what happens when i write sober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-02-13 10:57:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12982581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altered_eagle/pseuds/altered_eagle
Summary: Why didn’t you just take me to the hospital?The Joker asks as they settle down in front of the fire.i didn’t want you to be alone,Wayne says quietly.Nobody should be alone around Christmas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i am gay

[Ice Cream: Sarah Mclachlan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAhv0XGv8Pc)

  
_Why didn’t you just take me to the hospital?_ The Joker asks as they settle down in front of the fire.

_i didn’t want you to be alone_ , Wayne says quietly. _Nobody should be alone around Christmas_. The Joker shrugs, winces.

_i mean i always appreciate your company but i don’t mind being alone, Bruce. Most people would say that i deserve it._

_Nothing good that i ever do for you will be out of a sense of obligation_ , Wayne tells him. _i wanted you here. i want to be with the people i care about around Christmas…are you laughing at me?_

_No, no…not at you. That’s sweet, actually_. The Joker grins. _So besides coddling your mortal enemy what else do you usually do for the holidays._

_i travel to visit my friends and their families. Today i talked with Selina for a while, and i brought Commissioner Gordon’s kids some presents. That sort of thing._

_And you took a bunch of orphans to the mall_ , the Joker adds. _i saw it on television. You spent like fifty grand in under an hour._ Wayne smiles at the memory of it.

_i’m glad you’re here._ He reaches out to stroke the Joker’s damaged cheek. The Joker nuzzles his hand.

_Honestly so am i. Your butler probably doesn’t appreciate it though._

_Alfred understands,_ Wayne assures him. _He wants to help._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some icky bathroom-related medical stuff because hey it me

Wayne didn’t even realize he’d fallen asleep on the sofa until he’s startled into awareness by sudden movement next to him, by the Joker kicking the blankets away

 _Bruce_ , he says in a low voice that’s almost a moan. _i really need to piss. Like now._

 _Okay._ Wayne blinks the sleep from his eyes. _Okay. Hang on._ He drags himself off the sofa takes the IV bag off the stand takes the Joker into his arms and lifts him.

He’s lighter than usual.

Wayne makes a note to push food on him as soon as he’s up to it.

He takes the Joker to the bathroom sets him down as gently as he can and holds the IV bag with one hand, holds onto the Joker with the other while he pulls his sweatpants down around his knees, then puts gentle pressure on the Joker’s shoulder until he sits down on the toilet.

  _i could’ve stood up..._ the Joker mumbles and Wayne laughs.

  _With that leg? i doubt it._

  _My leg’s not—_ the Joker’s words cut off in a gasp and he presses both hands to his middle as the foul scent of infected urine begins to fill the room.

  _Easy,_ Wayne murmurs, resting his free hand on the back of the Joker’s neck. _i’m sorry that it hurts._ The Joker hums, tips his head forward

 until it’s pressed up against Wayne’s stomach.

  _Fucking burns_ , he whispers as his stream stops, and Wayne’s heart swells.

  _Yo_ _u’re lucky the infection didn’t spread to your kidneys_. He runs his fingers up and down the curve of the Joker’s spine. _It's already pretty serious._ _But i’ll have Alfred up your dose of pyridium; that should help more with the pain._

_It’s not that bad._

_The way you just reacted suggests otherwise._ Wayne takes the Joker under the arm helps him stand checks the toilet and frowns when he sees a little pink coloring the yellow water. _You’re staying with me until this clears up_ , he says. _You need to get your strength back before i’ll even consider taking you to Arkham._ The Joker laughs as Wayne lifts him.

 _So you’re gonna spend Christmas carrying me to the toilet and rubbing my back while i piss blood?_ Wayne kisses the top of his sweaty head.

_Of course. i wouldn’t have it any other way. i wouldn’t want you to have to deal with this on your own, Joker._

_i’ve dealt with worse on my own._

_Now you don’t have to,_ Wayne murmurs, kissing his head again. _Not anymore._


	3. Chapter 3

_The bladder infection has been going on for weeks_ , Alfred remarks as he folds the Joker’s INXS t-shirts. _And he’s lucky he didn’t contract septicemia, with how deep the wounds in his leg are._

 _i know,_ Wayne sighs, leaning against the dryer. _He’s exhausted from it all but he was so uncomfortable; he’s just now fallen asleep. i just._ He scrubs a hand across his unshaven face. _i don’t understand why he didn’t call me for help after he escaped Arkham._

 _Do you think._..Alfred hesitates. _Do you think that he might have been afraid?_

 _Him, afraid?_ Wayne raises his eyebrows. _What do you mean._

 _You two have become very...close. i wonder..._ Alfred’s voice trails off, and he gives Wayne A Look. _He likely knew that once you saw the condition he was in that you would bring him here. That you would insist upon keeping him until he healed, perhaps even longer. That you might even suggest removing him from Arkham, since his doctors obviously neglected to treat the urinary tract infection before it reached his bladder. The man values his freedom above all else._

Wayne’s heart rate picks up.

_But the Joker let me get this close to him. He let me in. He’s let me help him before. i don’t understand._

_He’s not exactly an easy person to understand._ Alfred piles the laundry into a basket glances out the window shifts back to look Wayne in the eye. _However, perhaps in this case he’s picked up on your recent intentions._

 _Oh,_ Wayne breathes. _Oh, god._

Alfred smiles at him.

 _But how the hell could he have known?_ Wayne asks. _All i did was take Mom’s ring out of the damned drawer, all i did was_ **_look_ ** _at it for christ’s sake, how could he have…_ Wayne stops talking, shakes his head.

 _He’s extremely perceptive_ , Alfred says quietly, turning back to the laundry. _It’s not the only characteristic you two share. He may have noticed the way you’ve been acting towards him._

 _Christ_ , Wayne murmurs. _Alfred what am i going to do. What if he’s terrified._

 _i suppose you’ll have to hold off on your plans. Either that or give me the ring so i can take it to be resized, and see what he has to say on Christmas Day._ Alfred smiles at Wayne again

and goes back to folding clothes.

Wayne stares out the window at the falling snow with his heartbeat hammering into every pulsepoint in his body, until it’s up in his throat,

 

until he can barely breathe.


	4. Chapter 4

The Joker’s not in danger, but he’s miserably ill. Even with the antibiotics he’s still running a temperature. Even with the pyridium his bladder spasms and hurts him, and both the fluids from his IV and the infection itself make it so he needs to use the bathroom frequently

which hurts him more.

Wayne tries to swallow back his constant anxiety and instead focuses every atom of his energy on caring for his friend, Wayne

gently forces fluids on him, forces food with his medication so it won’t upset his stomach, sits in the bathroom with him, helps him walk, helps him shower.

 

Now, in the grey light of another december morning, the Joker squirms in Wayne’s arms

and burns with fever.

His temperature has come down since last night, but between the fever and the pain in his abdomen and leg he can’t get comfortable.

He wants to be held and at the same time

can’t stand the restriction of Wayne’s arms around him.

 _Sorry_ , he mumbles as he rearranges himself in Wayne’s lap yet again. His face is pale except for two pink spots on his cheeks, and his hair hangs in stringy rivulets. His eyes are glazed but they spark whenever he meets Wayne’s gaze, as if Wayne’s attentions alone have the power to bring him out of his illness a little.

 _Don’t be sorry_ , Wayne tells him. _Do you want to watch some television?_ The Joker growls in response and flops across Wayne’s thighs.

 _Want a cigarette_ , he mutters into Wayne’s leg.

 _So you’ve been saying_ , Wayne teases. _i can give you some gum or another nicotine patch if you’d like._

 _That shit don’t work_ , the Joker grumbles. Wayne rubs the nape of his neck, trying to soothe him, and sure enough the Joker relaxes a little

beneath his fingers.

 _Have you seen A Year Without Santa Clause?_ Wayne asks.

 _What, that creepy stop motion piece of crap from the seventies._ The Joker grins. _Yeah, i have. i like it. Put it on._

 

* * *

  
_You’re so beautiful_ , Wayne says after the credits roll. The words just come out. He can’t help but say it. He traces the curve of the Joker’s full lower lip with one finger, and the Joker laughs softly.

_Now that’s a good joke Bruce Wayne; i look like dog shit. You must be blind._

_i’m not,_ Wayne insists. _i just only see you._

 _You see what you want to see_ , the Joker sighs.

 _Exactly_ , Wayne says. _And it’s you._ He takes a deep breath

and waits for the Joker’s response, waits to see if he’ll pull away, if he’ll say No, this is too much, you’ve gone too far, i can’t be caged like this. But then

the Joker’s mouth quirks up in a half smile, and Wayne’s heart stutters as the other man’s hand touches his cheek.

 _But are you happy?_ The Joker asks. _Are you really happy like this? With your enemy as your lover, and as an invalid in your house?_

 _It’s Christmas._ Wayne captures the Joker’s hand in both of his, holds it in his lap. _And i’m here with you, and Alfred. And you were very sick, but now you’re healing. That’s all i could ask for. That’s all i need._

The Joker blinks slowly, locks their eyes. In them Wayne can barely see the outline of the man who kills for pleasure who can take on twenty cops at once who fights Batman like a rabid wild animal.

 

He’s still in there, but right now he seems so far away.

 

Then the Joker squeezes Wayne’s fingers kisses Wayne's fingertips and turns his eyes back towards the television.

Wayne draws the Joker close and thinks of his mother's ring in the dresser drawer upstairs, thinks Joker i can’t get enough of you, thinks Joker i can’t couldn’t will never ever ever

get enough of you.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Thomas Wayne proposed to Martha Kane on April 20th in 1962. The ring he designed was 24 karat gold with both a square-cut diamond and emerald stone, surrounded on both sides by smaller tapered diamonds meant to mimic tiny leaves. Thomas would say later that he wanted to marry Martha after the first day they met but that transforming his love for such an amazing woman into a piece of jewelry was one of the most difficult things he’d ever done.

For reasons she never revealed Martha took a month-long trip to Europe before returning to Gotham to accept Thomas’s proposal. They married in spring of the following year.

Thomas and Martha Wayne quickly became one of the most famous couples in Gotham, and then throughout the entire United States, and by the time they celebrated their first anniversary their relationship was celebrated by the media and public alike: all singing praises about the Waynes’ kindness, and their goodness, and how

nobody had yet seen a celebrity couple so clearly in love.

After his employer’s death in 1984, Alfred Pennyworth took her engagement ring from its place in the china cabinet and put it away in the top drawer of her ebony dresser along with every other sentimental piece that he couldn’t bear to look at, and

there it remained until Bruce Wayne removed it from its box in mid-December nearly twenty-five years later.

 

Now, Martha Wayne’s ring is resized and re-adorned with two purple amethysts in place of the tiny tapered diamonds, resting in its original box resting

in the scarred hands of the man who burst into Wayne’s life three years ago to drag him across hell and back and since then has managed to dig so deeply into Wayne’s heart that he’s offering it up willingly alongside his late mother’s engagement ring, at nine in the morning on Christmas day.

 _Bruce_ , the Joker breathes.

_i know._

_Jesus..._ the Joker whistles long and low. _This is vintage_. _This is your mother’s ring._ He laughs mirthlessly making Wayne flinch a bit. _You’re trying to give_ **_me_ ** _your mother’s ring Bruce, should i. Should i phone Arkham and ask them to bring two straight jackets up here instead of one?_ The Joker laughs again but there’s still no joy in it. _This is ludicrous, Bruce Wayne._

 _i know_ , Wayne says again before the Joker takes another breath. _Everything i do is._ He reaches out to cup the Joker’s chin in his hand forcing

the other man to look at him.

 _You don’t have to say anything now_ , Wayne tells him. _You can take five minutes or five days or five months to think about whether you want to tell me yes or no. i just..._ he runs his thumb slowly across the Joker’s jaw. _Wanted you to see how much you mean to me, while i still have the chance._ Then Wayne’s voice becomes suddenly choked, so he shuts up and pulls away.

 

A piece of wood breaking down in the fireplace is the only sound in the large room.

 

 _Your mom wouldn’t like me,_ the Joker remarks. _Are you okay with that._ Wayne nods, feels himself smiling in spite of the tightness in his throat

_i’ll just tell myself that she wouldn’t have on principal. And besides, you managed to butter Alfred up enough that he likes you and that was a feat in and of itself_

_He doesn’t_ **_like_ ** _me Bruce,_ the Joker sighs. _He tolerates me and that’s more than i deserve; there was no buttering on my part._ Wayne shrugs.

 _He took the ring on a plane to get it resized. He’s probably watching us from the television in the kitchen._ The Joker’s jaw drops for half a second before he gets ahold of himself,

snaps it shut again.

Wayne glances at the camera in the ceiling and waits for the Joker to speak. 

 _i should_. The Joker clears his throat. _i guess i should see if they got the sizing right._ He slowly slips it onto his ring finger, flexes his pale hand experimentally and Wayne’s heart lights up even as it beats far too fast. _i had a pretty good present picked out for you but i figured you wouldn’t accept it considering how i, uh. Acquire my funds_. The Joker cradles his left hand in his right and grins. _Do you want to know what i was going to get you?_

 _No,_ Wayne replies, and the Joker’s grin grows wider. Then he looks down at the engagement ring again and his eyes narrow, his eyebrows draw together into That Look that pensive calculating look that Wayne had first seen a long time ago

 

when their violent introduction became the most important one of his life.

 

 _This would make you really happy, huh,_ The Joker says after a minute, as he tilts his hand back and forth against his opposite palm. Wayne nods.

 _Would it make_ **_you_ ** _happy?_ he asks and the Joker shrugs, clicks his tongue against his teeth.

 _i guess...making you happy has never been any skin off my back. And i guess it would be nice, to have this on all the time, to remind me. But._ The Joker finally takes his eyes off the ring and looks at Wayne. He seems almost sad. _Bruce, you’re thinking i’m someone that i’m not._

_No, i—_

_Listen,_ the Joker interrupts. _What you might think you see in me...i don’t remember. He’s gone. i can’t give him to you when i don’t even have all the pieces._ He licks his bottom lip and spins Wayne’s mother’s ring between thumb and finger, like he’s on the verge of taking it off

 _i’m not just after little parts of you, Joker,_ Wayne insists and the clown’s fingers still. _i want all of you. i see all of you. Batman sees all of you. i’m not afraid of learning things about you, even if you think they’ll scare me off._ Wayne tucks his hands around the Joker’s knees, unable to stop himself from laughing a little. _i think i’ve already seen you at your worst, anyway. Right?_

The Joker looks at Wayne hard. He doesn’t say what if i get killed. He doesn’t say what if i get transferred or what if i do something Unforgivable after all you’ve forgiven me for or Bruce we can’t stop fighting just because of this, can you handle that, the Joker

 

doesn’t say any of this

 

because he already knows that Wayne has agonized over all of these very valid points a thousand times over and reached his conclusion, no

the Joker just stares at Wayne, barely blinking,

with a soft smile on his face with his messy curls lit gold by the Christmas tree’s warm white lights with Wayne’s mother’s ring on his finger reflecting little green and violet flecks all over the room

 _It’s not just about me accepting you, you know_ , Wayne says to him. _Besides Alfred nobody’s ever stuck with me. i’ve never been able to let anybody into my life before who was even half-good for me and as luck would have it that somebody ended up being my self-appointed archenemy with a heavy artillery fetish but_. Wayne pauses to breathe, glances up.

The Joker is watching him.

 _i’m ready_ , Wayne tells him with his heart pounding blood up into his ears. _You. You seem like you are too_. For a moment the Joker’s expression remains unreadable. Then

in a landslide he’s tackling Wayne to the carpet hugging him fiercely and whispering _i’m gonna need that cigarette now_ in Wayne’s ear

 

and Wayne’s heart floods,

 

and for once in his life Wayne knows he’s done the right thing.

 

_Your love_

_Is better than ice cream_

_Better than anything else that I've tried_

_And your love_

_Is better than ice cream_

_Everyone here knows how to cry_

 

_And it's a long way down_

_It's a long way down_

_It's a long way_

_Down to the place where we started from_

 

_Your love_

_Is better than chocolate_

_Better than anything else that I've tried_

_And oh love is better than chocolate_

_Everyone here knows how to fight_

 

_And it's a long way down_

_It's a long way down_

_It's a long way_

_Down to the place where we started from_

 

[-Ice Cream: Sarah Mclachlan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAhv0XGv8Pc)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The Joker's present for Bruce was a [Tastykake](http://www.tastykake.com/products) franchise/factory that was gonna be shut down


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Commission from the incredibly talented [Mellie](https://twitter.com/mellie_art).


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